Lise Bourbeau, renowned author, describes in her book "Heal Your Wounds & Find Your True Self: Finally, a Book That Explains Why It's So Hard Being Yourself!”, the emotional and physical consequences of these deep wounds on those who suffer from them. She offers her perception to free ourselves from it. These 5 wounds are rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice.
The wound of injustice (like all other wounds) creates emotional overreactions within you. So you can get better by eliminating the roots of these irrational emotional memories.
In this last article dedicated to the 5 Soul Wounds, we take a look into the wound of Injustice.
Greatest fear: Coldness
Greatest need: Freedom
Parent: Of the same sex
Awakening of the wound
The Wound of Injustice awakens in the child roughly between the ages of 4 and 6, when he becomes aware of his individuality and his differences.
It is lived especially with the parent of the same sex. This therefore concerns the relationship to the mother if one is a woman, or to the father if one is a man.
Several origins are possible:
Parental Coldness: The child feels coldness from the same-sex parent. This parent seems to him too critical, severe, demanding for him to allow himself to be himself.
The obligation to follow a model: young, the child had to follow the example of the big brother, the big sister, a cousin. His parents often cited the person as an example for his qualities, expecting him to be the same. This parent was putting enormous pressure on the child. While this one, internally, wanted to exist and be appreciated for what he was deep down.
The obligation of excellence: his parents expected him to always be the best, to have the best results in school subjects and in his other activities.
Emotional repression: an impossibility to express one's sensitivity without being judged, pointed out and punished. For example, a little boy may feel prevented by his dad from living and expressing his emotions, and therefore his sensitivity: “A boy does not cry! Be strong my son! “, “Don’t be sissy”…
You would have understood it…
This feeling of injustice is built up if the child has not felt free to be himself and to express himself as a unique individual! His parents did not encourage, facilitate, or even accept his personality.
| It is for this child deeply unfair that he cannot be himself |
The child retains the impression of having been wronged, a victim of difference with this parent in particular.
And also the impression of not being recognized and appreciated at its fair value. He realises that people appreciate him more for what he does than for who he is.
He hides his wound behind a rigidity and a demand for perfection by protecting himself from what makes him suffer. He creates protection for himself each time he is confronted with this wound. Lise Bourbeau talks about this protection as the RIGIDE mask.
| A wound of injustice always follows a wound of rejection |
Recognising the Rigid
People whose wound of injustice is often activated have common characteristics. All of these attitudes are not true all the time, only when the wound of injustice is triggered.
Perhaps you will find yourself in many of them…
Your biggest fears - Being COLD: your greatest fear is coldness. You find it difficult to accept it in yourself and in others. Besides, you are convinced that you are a warm person.
- Fear of MISLEADING: you resent being wrong and making mistakes. You are doing yourself an injustice.
Your RIGID Personality
- SENSITIVITY: You are very sensitive. Yet others feel that you are cold and insensitive
- Will of JUSTICE:
You seek justice and what seems right to you. You only take into account your values and your criteria. Only, you have to understand that they are not universal.
And justice, for you, is perfection. Your ideal is to aim for the best, the right, the correct. You can also appear controlling. Yet deep down, far from wanting to control others, you want to make sure it's fair for everyone. Attracted to all things noble, you can easily be impressed by social status or a place of honour.
You want to be appreciated for what you do. This explains your perfectionist and competitive spirit, but also your doubts when faced with choices. Your perfectionism means that you often lack time for your projects. You can also start a lot of projects but you get too scattered trying to be too perfect. You are a good burnout candidate.
You like everything to be tidy, serialised, categorised. This desire for tidiness and order can sometimes even lead to obsession.
- RIGIDITY: you confuse discipline with rigidity. Know that discipline achieves a specific goal
But you, you focus above all on the means used to achieve this goal. For example, you can decide to exercise at the gym once a week.
What's the problem?
Well, if you're feeling out of sorts that day, you're able to force yourself to go just to stick to the plan you've put in place...even if it's not the wisest thing for you.
- MERIT: you need to feel worthy of what you receive. If there is no reason to get something, you can even unconsciously make sure you lose it. You find it difficult to relax without feeling guilty.
It is difficult for you to know and respect your limits. Your perfectionist side is such that you rarely ask for help. You sometimes go so far as to exhaust yourself so much that you don't listen to yourself. Watch out for burnout!!!
Your desire for justice is such that you want everything to be equitably distributed. Otherwise it's not fair.
Above all, you avoid being affected by others. You often hide your emotion behind irrelevant laughter or derision rather than acknowledging your sensitivity. It is difficult for you to indulge in feelings and receiving. In this regard, you generally pass for a cold and unloving person.
You fear authority because as a child you learned that authority was always right. Despite this, when a situation seems right to you, you “step up to the front” and dare to defend what seems right to you.
- ENVY And ANGER
You may feel a lot of cravings. The most common emotion is anger. Anger most often towards yourself when you make mistakes or when attacking others.
- HYPER CONTROL
In love, it is difficult for you to let go, to feel pleasure and to express your feelings.
Your STIFF Physique
In general, your body is straight, stiff and well-proportioned. If you are overweight, your pounds are evenly distributed. Your desire for perfection drives you to want the most perfect body possible.
You tend to have a closed attitude by crossing your arms.
Your gestures are rigid and without much flexibility.
Although stressful, you are rarely sick.
Not that you have no symptoms, but you are very demanding with your body, and rarely respect your limits. You only go to the doctor as a last resort, when you are at your worst. And it's a pride for you!
Diseases And Common Symptoms
Stiffness and tension especially in the upper back and neck, even torticollis
Sexual difficulties: Anorgasm (female), premature ejaculation or impotence (male)
Diseases ending in “itis” such as tendonitis, bursitis, arthritis, etc.
Blood circulation problems: cramps, varicose veins
Skin issues such as psoriasis, pimples and dry skin
Nervousness, insomnia, even BURN-OUT
The stages of deconstruction
Healing comes through experimentation more than intellectual understanding. The more we give ourselves the right to be masochistic, the less we will do it in the future. To deconstruct its wound pattern, you simply have to go through the steps of constructing the mask, upside down.
Step 1. Become aware of the mask you wear.
Step 2. Being revolted by this realisation, having difficulty accepting their share of responsibility, preferring to blame the causes of their suffering on the parent “in question”. The intensity of the revolt depends on the degree of acceptance.
Step 3. Give yourself the right to have suffered from humiliation and to have resented a parent. Be compassionate with yourself. It is during this phase that we let go by having compassion for the parent concerned.
Step 4. Become yourself again by ceasing to believe that wearing a mask is vital for protection. Integrate that life is only a sum of experiences that serve to learn what is good for you.
To begin this healing work, I recommend this short video below, a trance healing sessionto help you working on your wound of injustice. Of course this is just a way to help you start this specific cleansing journey.
You may also like : The 5 Soul Wound
You can join Cindy's monthly Women Sacred healing circle for deep healing experiences at the Light centre London Belgravia.