The 5 Soul Wound 3.The wound of Humiliation
"Humiliation: feel down, lowering or lowering someone outrageously" Lise Bourbeau
I started on the subject of the 5 soul wounds, couple of weeks ago to develop precisely each of the 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself, a bestseller written by a Quebec psychologist expert in personal development, Lisa Bourbeau.
After devoting a first article to the wound of REJECTION, then a second to that of ABANDONMENT, today I am continuing this series on childhood wounds that prevent adults from being fully happy, despite many efforts.
Today let's take a look into the wound of HUMILIATION.
Wound: Humiliation Mask: The Masochist
Greatest fear: Freedom: Greatest need: Freedom Parent: The mother
Thanks to a very detailed description of this "wound of the soul" which occurs in early childhood and is repeated, unconsciously, throughout life, Lise Bourbeau invites us to become aware of its reality, of its concrete consequences on our unconscious, to accept it and, why not, work to heal it to reach fulfilment, by allowing ourselves to be ourselves.
According to the Canadian psychologist, when a person who suffered humiliation in their early childhood encounters a circumstance, a discussion likely to remind them of this violent feeling, they will tend to resort to wearing a very specific societal mask.
Awakening of the wound
The awakening of this wound occurs, if it has reason to be, when the child feels that one of his parents is ashamed of him or that he fears being ashamed of his behaviour in public. Humiliation can be experienced as a physical wound. For example, when one of the parents makes fun of his child who wets the bed or of a physical defect, he risks causing serious invisible damage in him, such as a systematic attitude of abasement , a feeling of anchored mortification, a silent vexation or a behaviour of voluntary degradation.
Whatever the circumstance that leads the child to feel physically degraded, when the injury is revealed, it permanently modifies the emotional apparatus of the child.
Recognising a masochist
On a physical level
According to the theory of Lise Bourbeau, Soul wounds are marked in the body. They are visible. Thus, “masochistic” people, who suffer from a humiliation wound, develop a large and corpulent body. Their vital energy is blocked. It does not circulate and, a fortiori, accumulates.
The overload can concern the whole body or only a part more developed than the others. This is an essential point to remember!
The gaze of the "masochists" also speaks volumes. Their eyes are large, round and exude childlike innocence. On the other hand, the sound of their voice is not that of the child. It is rather honeyed, but with an affected sweetness.
His character
Certain typical behaviours are imposed on the person who suffers, or has suffered, from humiliation. These attitudes have been widely observed and then described by Lise Bourbeau in The five wounds that prevent you from being yourself. Of course, not everyone who suffers humiliation will experience it the same way. Not everyone will necessarily adopt each of his attitudes. Finally, the extent of these induced behaviours is proportional to the depth of the wound they carry.
From the character point of view, the masochist is a cheerful, helpful, generous person, he puts others at ease. It is generally a pleasure to spend time in his company.
Freedom is an essential value for him. If he feels free, he has no limits. However, he avoids finding himself without limit because, in his eyes, if he "let go" he would risk humiliation.
If something disgusts him, he will instantly reject it.
His attitudes and behaviours:
The masochist compensates and rewards himself with food. His favourite foods are high in fat and sugar. This wound can generate compulsive snacking behaviours throughout the day. Food no longer serves to nourish but becomes a refuge. Paradoxically, he is not at all comfortable with his diet. He takes very badly any kind of thoughts, even the most innocuous, about what he eats. Since he is ashamed of himself, he subconsciously seeks to develop a big body that, by his own standards, will make him feel ashamed. The development of the masochist's body reflects the place he thinks he should take. The more he thinks he has to deploy himself to finally be noticed, the more his physical body will grow.
He wears clothes that are not his size (or too loose or too tight), which puts him at a disadvantage.
Masochists are rather slow in their movements. They also hate acting in a hurry! When time is of the essence, they can panic easily. This difficulty is also often experienced, too, as a shame at not being up to it.
They know their needs well but refuse to meet them. They have a knack for creating situations where they have to take care of someone. They do everything to make themselves useful. Sometimes they go so far as to take care of others, on their backs, sometimes without them having asked for it. The more they take on their backs, the bigger they get. In their minds, the time they use to help others is a time during which they will not take the risk of being ashamed of themselves. Unfortunately for them, their attitude sends them, once again, a feeling of humiliation on the part of the people helped since, not necessarily being carried in triumph, they feel that their "false" kindness is being abused. Masochism is a damn vicious circle which it is good to get rid of.
People suffering from a humiliation wound do not realise that they often create humiliation in the other because most of the time, they gladly gratify themselves to help the other by throwing back in their face that he can't manage without it… This is unconscious behaviour to avoid judgement.
They wait indefinitely for the recognition of the other, which of course, by the very fact of their behaviour, they do not obtain.
Another striking behaviour, the masochist creates situations where he humiliates himself so as not to be humiliated by others.
When he helps someone, what he really wants is to create constraints and obligations. Thus, he believes that he will not have to be ashamed of what he does, that he will not have to be ashamed or that the other will not have to be ashamed of him.
How to cure this panic fear of the feeling of shame?
The good news in all of this is that it's never too late to heal, to get rid of this cumbersome masochistic mask to finally be yourself and consider life and its relationships with others in a new way. Healing your wound allows you to be more autonome, less dependent, emotionally.
If we repress our painful memories, they anchor themselves deeply in our unconscious. The risk is that one day, the straw will break the camel's back and the pain will become too much to handle.
By confronting the feeling of humiliation that we experienced with our mother (or the person who played this role in our life), masochists will be able to release all the energy they accumulate in their body and use it to build their lives by simply being themselves.
The stages of deconstruction
Healing comes through experimentation more than intellectual understanding. The more we give ourselves the right to be masochistic, the less we will do it in the future. To deconstruct its wound pattern, you simply have to go through the steps of constructing the mask, upside down.
Step 1. Become aware of the mask you wear.
Step 2. Being revolted by this realisation, having difficulty accepting their share of responsibility, preferring to blame the causes of their suffering on the parent “in question”. The intensity of the revolt depends on the degree of acceptance.
Step 3. Give yourself the right to have suffered from humiliation and to have resented a parent. Be compassionate with yourself. It is during this phase that we let go by having compassion for the parent concerned.
Step 4. Become yourself again by ceasing to believe that wearing a mask is vital for protection. Integrate that life is only a sum of experiences that serve to learn what is good for you.
The wound of humiliation is in the process of healing when we begin to assert ourselves, to take the place that is ours.
If you recognised yourself in this description it is a good thing, perhaps the first step towards a broader awareness. Masochists are, in a way, very lucky… Indeed, they are the people most aware of their needs. This ability allows them to see and understand the needs of others, which is a fabulous asset. They are often outstanding mediators and organisers since they intimately understand the needs, respect and freedom of each person.
| Liberated masochists are often the most adventurous and daring people. They are trusted partners |
In this short video below, a trance healing session where I am setting my intention on helping you cleansing your wound of humiliation. Of course this is just a way to help you start this specific cleansing journey.
You may also like : The 5 Soul Wound #The wound of Rejection You can join Cindy's monthly Women Sacred healing circle for deep healing experiences at the Light centre London Belgravia.